Perfectionism and high expectations can sometimes fuel ambition and inspire us to reach new heights. However, most perfectionists are aware that this trait is more of a hurdle than a strength. Yet, some of us still struggle to accept anything less than the ideal we’ve envisioned. It’s okay to have high standards, as long as we don’t let them define us. Our goals are simply direction pointers providing alternative paths to where we want to go, not who we are. It’s time to beat perfectionism and high expectations, and enjoy the outcomes of your success!
Embrace imperfection and celebrate small wins
We are human, and life is inherently unpredictable. Wherever we set expectations, there’s a risk of facing disappointment. Focusing on the journey and what we pick up along the way, is more valuable than the goal itself. Become your best cheerleader, be more resilient and enjoy the process of learning and growth. If you focus exclusively on reaching a ‘perfect’ outcome, you lose sight of the progress as well as potential new opportunities opening up in the process.
Research by Harvard Business School professors Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer, known as the “progress principle,” shows that acknowledging small wins has a powerful impact on motivation and well-being. Even minor achievements, like completing a challenging task or learning a new skill, create positive momentum. When we celebrate these small wins, we reinforce a sense of accomplishment and build resilience against setbacks.
Instead of waiting until you reach the finish line, take a moment to recognise every step forward. These small victories not only boost your confidence but also remind you that progress is ongoing. Shift your focus from perfection to consistent effort and you’re more likely to stay motivated and resilient. Even in the face of challenges.
Reframe your experience with mindfulness
Mindfulness can be a transformative tool. When you’re caught up in striving for perfection, often operating on autopilot and racing from one task to the next, you don’t fully experience the present moment. Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. This will allow you to observe your tendencies without judgment and learn more about yourself. This awareness can reduce the power of perfectionist thoughts, provide space for self-compassion and help you to become your best cheerleader!
Mindfulness practice is also beneficial for reframing experiences. Instead of labelling a situation as a failure, mindfulness allows you to examine it with curiosity and openness, helping you reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth. This is how you beat perfectionism and high expectations.
Set goals with flexibility and self-compassion
Another essential step to beat perfectionism and high expectations is to set flexible realistic goals. When we set rigid, high-stakes expectations, we’re likely to feel discouraged when things don’t go as planned. Instead, break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps that you can achieve incrementally. This approach reduces overwhelm and helps you build confidence through gradual progress.
Self-compassion plays a significant role here. According to researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, practicing self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, particularly when things don’t go as expected. When you fall short, try responding to yourself with understanding rather than criticism. Self-compassion doesn’t mean lowering your standards; it means giving yourself the grace to navigate life’s ups and downs without unnecessary judgment. This mindset not only reduces stress but also creates a supportive inner environment and improves your wellbeing.
Embrace the journey over the destination
Perfectionism often causes us to fixate solely on outcomes, dismissing the value of the journey itself. However, every step in the process of achieving a goal is an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-discovery. When we’re focused only on the result, we miss out on these moments of growth. By shifting our attention to the present and appreciating the process, we become more open to learning and better equipped to handle challenges.
Reflecting on the journey can provide insights that help us gain more realistic view of our future pursuits. If we’re learning something new, we can’t expect to be proficient immediately. So stay patient, focus on the actual learning experience, and beat perfectionism and high expectations of yourself. All the energy invested in thoughts like ‘I am not progressing fast enough’ could be channelled into taking the next small step towards growth. By finding meaning in the journey, you can experience fulfilment even if the result isn’t exactly what you envisioned.
Mindfulness exercise: observe and reframe difficult situations
Here’s a mindfulness exercise designed to help you use mindfulness and reframing in a challenging situation—especially when things don’t go as planned, or you feel like you’re falling short of your expectations.
Mindful reflection exercise
- Pause: When you find yourself feeling disappointed, frustrated, or self-critical about something that didn’t go as planned, stop for a moment. Take a few deep breaths. This pause helps create a mental break and allows you to step back from reactive thoughts.
- Acknowledge and label: Take a moment to recognise and label your feelings without judgment. You might think, ‘I’m feeling frustrated,’ or ‘I’m feeling like I failed.’ Simply acknowledging the emotion gives you distance from it, which can reduce its intensity.
- Observe without judgment: Bring awareness to the thoughts associated with the feeling. Notice if you’re engaging in perfectionist thinking, such as ‘I should have done better,’ or ‘This is a failure.’ Try to observe these thoughts without agreeing or disagreeing with them. Remind yourself that these are just thoughts, not absolute truths.
- Reframe the situation: Now, try to look at the situation from a different perspective. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?” or “How can this experience help me grow?” Reframing can help you find value in the experience, even if it didn’t meet your expectations. Perhaps it taught you something about time management, resilience, or flexibility. Allow yourself to see this experience as part of your learning journey rather than a reflection of your self-worth.
- Practice self-compassion: Finally, treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend. You might say, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m learning and growing.” Self-compassion can help ease feelings of disappointment and remind you that imperfection is part of being human.
- Close with gratitude: Conclude by reflecting on something positive in the situation, even if it’s small. Perhaps you’re grateful for what you learned, for a supportive person in your life, or for simply having the courage to try. Cultivating gratitude, even in challenging moments, can shift your mindset and help you focus on growth.
By practicing this exercise regularly, you’ll develop a habit of using mindfulness and self-compassion to navigate challenging situations, turning perceived failures into valuable learning experiences. Mindfulness and reframing help you beat perfectionism and high expectations, and celebrate each small step forward.
Be your best cheerleader
To beat perfectionism and high expectations doesn’t mean to abandon your goals or ambitions. It means to learn to appreciate each small win along the way. By celebrating incremental progress, practicing mindfulness, and embracing self-compassion, you can create a healthier relationship with yourself and your goals. Become your best cheerleader, acknowledge the value of the journey, and enjoy the outcome of your own success!
The next time you set a goal, let the vision be your guide rather than a rigid endpoint. Celebrate every small victory, practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present, and remember that progress is more important than perfection. Embracing imperfection allows you to focus on growth, find joy in your journey, and become your own biggest cheerleader.
1Reading
- Germer, C. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). In I. Itvzan (Ed.) The handbook of mindfulness-based programs: Every established intervention, from medicine to education (pp. 357-367). London: Routledge. Available at:
https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Germer2019.pdf (Accessed: 3 November 2024).
Amabile, T. M. and Kramer, S. J. (2011) The Power of Small Wins. Available at:
https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins (Accessed: 3 November 2024).
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